I have to admit, I was tempted to just delete this whole thing and forget all about it, rather than have to admit to the people who are wishing me well & hoping that Im going to do it, that i didnt even make it through the 1st day. Thursday evening found me on the phone to a girl friend i havent seen in 9 months, who I used with before & who I had heard was still struggling. My 1st words wernt even Hi, how are you, it was (better not use her real name) "Amanda, can you score? im in a right mess". & she could, & so Im back to square 1, in fact its worse than that, cos even if I delete this new dealers number, I know I can always ring her, & if I delete her number, I can go to her flat, so Ive really shot myself in the kneecap. As far as asking for help from my family, I have put my mum & dad through so much pain, I couldnt bear for them to know. They are so proud of me at the moment. All my friends want to do is take me to meetings & get me on the 12 step programme which just isnt for me. All I can do, is try again. I HAVE to do this. What I have left will probably last untill the morning. Then the trial begins again. Sorry everyone, including me. I pray to find the strength inside me to get through this.