stuart has been here 2 days now. yesterday, i sent him in the shower & legged it to my dealer as soon as the water sounded. today i sneaked out while he was watching telly. I have no more cash left now, & have just shamefacedly handed him my bank card.He is pretty pissed off with me. so am i. i pride myself in my trustworthyness. I always have done my best not to let people down. why cant i include myself as "people"? time is running out if i want to be anywhere near ok when andy gets here. My body is a mess. im using blunt needles..the needle exchange isnt open at weekends & as i was stopping i didnt get many last time. im covered in bruises & track marks & i look at myself & weep & still want more. This is the most disgusting thing. I would be appalled to see one of my friends in this state, i think i would be losing patience with them by now. how far down do i have to go. nothing i can think of, my family my health even my life, come into consideration when that hunger has me in its grip. I hate it. i hate me.
