theres nowhere left to run, i have to sit it out this time, no money i can get my hands on, & stu watching me like a hawk. slept badly even tho i had a little left last night & a tiny bit for the morning. more psychological than anything, the amount i have been using lately. in answer to the question, this time i have beeen using since 1st of march. before that 9 months rehab,before that a habit for about 8 months, before that 18 months living in a dry house dabbling ocasionaly, before that 6 months rehab, before that 2 1/2 year habit. i came to it late in life but fell hard. anyway. today i want to run away. I want my mum, but to tell her would break her heart. I dont want to lie to andy, but i dont want to see him for a while, & if i dont tell him, thats a kind of lying. He has really taken to the programme, he is going to be really upset that i have relapsed so soon. i dont know what to do. im scared, i cant think straight. i cant write anymore, i feel sick.