well hell. here i am. the methadone ran out this morning, what there was of it, about 2.5 mils. i havent had gear for5 days. stuart has gone & andy is here. im finding it hard to be around him. i have no desire for sex, or any sort of closeness, & im wondering what the hell i was doing with this boy. i dont want him & or anyone near me. i dont know what to do. he thinks im great, he wants to save me. i just need to save myself, this is a mess. but the main thing is i havent used. i could have, & i havent. im still waiting for the withdrawals to hit. meth stays in the system 36 hours, but i didnt have much yesterday either. i feel like im waiting for a bomb to go off. i feel pretty mixed up. i want to use, but i never want to use again. i want to be on my own, but im scared to be on my own. andy is declaring love, & it makes me cringe. the sex was good, but im not feeling horny & hes just an irritating kid.oh god, what am i going to do. the main thing is i havent taken heroin for 5 days. i dont know what to do with my life, but i know what i cant do. not if i WANT a life. well done me. so far so good but its so hard.